the will

My blogging seems to increase and decrease exponentially. This is my second entry today, tomorrow may be 4. Conversely, one day I may just stop posting for very long periods of time. By what desire am I drawn to or away from blogging?

I can explain and understand, at least on paper, how the interaction of my will and God’s will should be. I understand that finding the ultimate will of God is finding my own deepest, truest desires—and vice versa. I understand that there is within us a deep desire to be a part of something greater, and there is in God’s will a call for us to return to something greater. I understand all of this very well in my head, but can find no notion of this in my heart.

These deepest, truest desires are no where to be found in my will. At many times I seem to be pursuing this which, as far as anyone can tell, may be contrary to the will of God. Then again, they may not be? Who is to truly say?

Do we assume that we aren’t, as we are completely depraved? Do we assume that something in side of us will shine through? These are fairly deep, serious, and heady theological questions. But, if we really consider them, our actions must be determined by them in some nature if we are to say we are truly seeking the will of God – or even our own selfish will.

In the end, what will are we really guided by?