Cannot not love

We're often reminded that to seek God's wisdom, one of the silliest ways is to do so is the ole 'open the bible up and see what book and chapter you end up at.' Similarly, a daily devotional could offer the same randomness. Yet, to my surprise, when I read today's My Utmost For His Highest (http://www.rbc.org/devotionals/my-utmost-for-his-highest/06/09/devotion.aspx) I was totally shocked to find that it was exactly what I needed to hear. It was almost, word-for-word, my prayer from last night.

I've come to a place of desperation, I realize that I am so spiritually poor right now. I need God to be more real in my life. Everything around us is so fleeting, and yet I am more than willing to invest so much time into these things. Yet, for the one thing I know to be true and forever, I find that I can only squeeze in a few minutes here and there--if at all.


I always tell people the story from the Brother's Karamazov where a woman comes to Fr. Zossima and tells him that she has lost her faith and fears that she cannot live anymore. Fr. Zossima tells her to live everyday like she believes, to love those around her, and she shall find that she cannot not believe. I think that I, in this same way, have forgotten what it is to love God. To love him wholy above all else.

New Plan: Love till I find that I cannot not love.