Seedless fruit

What is it to be a fruit?
Strictly speaking, it’s the part of the plant which carries the seed of the plant.

When was the last time you had a seeded watermelon, grape, lemon, banana, tomato, orange?

Oh what modern irony, that in this heartless generation we should also produce fruit which bear no seed. Objects which have lost their very purpose.

We act as though gods, creating the world in our own image.

In my head

For the last several months I've truly felt nearer to God than I have in a long time. Not to say that I am somehow holier, wiser, or less likely to make stupid mistakes. But simply that his love and his presence has been undeniable for me.

Out of his love he's burdened me a great deal. I do not fully understand the root or purpose of this burden but I know it is the seed of something great. I feel as an acorn might feel (if it had feelings). As it begins to sprout, losing daily its acorn-ness and yet having the vague sensation that it may be on the cusp of something far greater.




Several verses/stories have been on my heart for some time now. I've referenced them in other posts but I thought I would share them.

Genesis 22 - The Offering of Isaac
"Abraham stretched out his hand and took the knife to slay his son. But the angel of the LORD called to him from heaven and said, "Abraham, Abraham!" And he said, "Here I am."

Galatians 1:15-17
"But when God, who set me apart from birth and called me by his grace, was pleased to reveal his Son in me so that I might preach him among the Gentiles, I did not consult any man, nor did I go up to Jerusalem to see those who were apostles before I was, but I went immediately into Arabia and later returned to Damascus."

Isaiah 6:8
"Then I heard the voice of the Lord, saying, "Whom shall I send, and who will go for Us?" Then I said, "'ere am I. Send me!'"

1 Samuel 3 - The Calling of Samuel
"The LORD came and stood there, calling as at the other times, 'Samuel! Samuel!' Then Samuel said, 'Speak, for your servant is listening.'"





"Every seed dies before it grows"

It is well

On the cover of my journal is the lyrics for the hymn It is well with my soul.

I wrote that at a time when I was struggling to remember what matters most. I wrote it so that anytime I went to write in my journal (usually times of hardship) I would remember what matters most. I'm nearing the final pages of that journal, physically, and it's poignant that this song should enter my life again.

Even at times when life isn't quite what we wanted it to be, it is well.

Bonus: Audio Adrenaline and Jennifer Knapp, still the best version of the hymn to date:

Obedience

The wonder and horror of being Christians is the numerous paradoxes you must accept. That it is not by reason that we are Christians but through lived experience. Only through living do we find that, some how, we have freely chosen Him and He has ultimately chosen us.

I'm finding that obedience must be like that. That somehow when I completely sacrifice my will to the will of the Lord I shall find that I am far more free than I was when I followed my own choices. That somehow, in Him I am far more me than I ever was by myself.

I think it's time I stop fooling around and lose myself in me and find myself in Him.

I have been crucified with Christ and no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

The Real

My experience is not what makes redemption real— redemption is reality. Redemption has no real meaning for me until it is worked out through my conscious life. When I am born again, the Spirit of God takes me beyond myself and my experiences, and identifies me with Jesus Christ. If I am left only with my personal experiences, I am left with something not produced by redemption. But experiences produced by redemption prove themselves by leading me beyond myself, to the point of no longer paying any attention to experiences as the basis of reality. Only to the Reality which produces the experiences. My experiences are not worth anything unless they keep me at the Source of truth— Jesus Christ. –My Utmost For His Highest - Dec. 21, 2009

In C.S. Lewis’ novel, The Great Divorce visitors from hell visit Heaven and find that it is too real for them. The grass of the heavenly plains pierce their feet and the light of the heavenly sun tears at them. It is not that they have somehow become less real, that they are now ghost. But rather, it is that heaven (the presence of God) is far more real than anything we know.

I often feel that God isn’t real enough in my life. I cry out to God to be more real in my life. What I seem to forget is that God is already real, without me asking He is already more real than anything in my life. Yet, on a daily basis I choose to ignore the reality and focus on the temporal. I weigh myself down with relative illusions when real freedom is offered to me.

It’s the child who, whilst playing in the mud, finds that his mud pies have been destroyed. Ignoring the knowledge that he has real food waiting for him at home. Or a more modern analogy, the child who is sad that his game character has lost the battle when he has his own true life yet to live. All this a hundred fold of course.

To know what is real, that is the source of true freedom.

Back from the grave...

It's been a while... 159 days to be exact.

No I did not count it, this is 2009. There are websites for these things.

I feel that this post was appropriate enough for my return because, frankly, it's been fairly life changing (at least it feels that way right now...ask me in 159 days if I still feel the same way).

Recently I've been struggling a lot with hope. Hope is a wonderful thing, it gives us the encouragement to carry on through any number of trials and tribulations, it gives us inspiration and imagination, it's a fairly kick-ass thing. Oddly enough, my struggle was not from a lack of hope but an excess of hope.

Now I'm not speaking of hope in the 1 Corinthians 13:13 sense. Hope there is the hope in God, what we'll call Godly Hope. But what most of us have is Worldly Hope. This Worldly Hope consists of hope in our own ability, hope in some unfounded sense of "luck" or "fortune", hope in anything but God.

It's so easy to blur or ignore this distinction. It's so easy to justify any sense of hope by saying, well since God is in control... but the reality is that hope for everything is not the same as Godly Hope.

I've been reading (though the word "reading" hardly describes the slowness at which I've been reading this book) The Cost of Discipleship by Dietrich Bonhoeffer. He says, "only those who believe can obey; and, only those who obey can believe" He is not contradicting himself here, well he is, but with intention. It's that age-old question of nature/nurture, fate/choice, predestination/freewill, platonism/existentialism...yea I had to throw that in there

But it's both, it has to be. I can't and won't try to explain it, other than to say I believe it. To those who say "only those who believe can obey," those who believe that they are free to disobey till God give them the unimaginable conviction to do otherwise - we must reply "only those who obey can believe." To those who says "only those who obey can believe," those who believe they must earn their salvation - we must reply "only those who believe can obey."

I've been both... As recently as last spring when I was leading the ONELove missions team for Cornerstone Church, I was the latter. Since then I've probably been more the former. Bonhoeffer talks about the importance of creating room for faith to be possible. To me, challenging me to take that existential leap of faith. That step where I trust God and his plan, despite what I may feel is best, despite what the circumstances look like, despite everything.

For the first time, Mark 9:24 made sense. "I do believe, help me overcome my unbelief!" Again, an contradiction in intention. The father of the boy in his belief comes face to face with the reality that is overcome with unbelief. Simultaneously, it is his obedience and God's grace.

Since I came to this revelation on Sunday, I've been struggling again. I made the first step, and that was challenging. But there was a second, third, fourth step. It was a daily struggle to give up my hopes to the hopes of God. To say not my will, but your will be done.

Today I was walking and the story of Abraham and Isaac came to my mind. God called Abraham to sacrifice his son, to obey despite what it all seemed like. I mean, imagine this! I've never had a struggle like this, and it's not any different because it's in the Bible. This is the stuff of academy award winning plots! Abraham is faced with the decision to obey God or sacrifice his beloved son! Yet somehow, despite what appears to be a impossible situation, both circumstances are satisfied! God is satisfied and Abraham truly receives his Son.

But that's all well and good but how often we forget everything between there. What makes this such a saga is not the beginning and the end, but all of the middle. Where would Lord of the Rings be if not for 900 pages in the middle, Star Wars if not for The Empire Strikes Back?

It begins with "Early the next morning Abraham got up." That would be enough for me, that first step must have been tremendously difficult. How do you get up the next morning after something like that? I'd stay in bed! If I were Abraham I would have said "God, I got up... I've proved I'm faithful -- now make it all go away" But no, after that he saddle a donkey, gathered his servants, cut some wood, walked three days...

Abraham was as human as you and I, each step on that journey must have been laborious. I'm sure Abraham was constantly hope for a way out of it, constantly looking around for a sign, desperately hoping that this wasn't it, but despite this he kept on stepping, kept on walking, creating that room for faith.

And where am I? I'm probably barely out of bed at this point and I'm kicking and screaming. But hopefully, as I keep stepping God will keep supporting my legs, and one day, maybe, I'll finally arrive.

shameless philosophy plug: ironically, Fear and Trembling has become surprisingly clear through this situation...

This is for You

Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

Today and everyday forward is for you. I offer up my entire life to you: my relationships, resources, goals, everything. Everything I receive is a undeserved gift, everything I give is from You.

This life is for You.