tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25204571361268234912024-03-13T06:45:48.512-04:00Anti-Relativitytruth is not relative.Ben Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09065322368550234506noreply@blogger.comBlogger36125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2520457136126823491.post-3356724906646847972011-01-21T10:30:00.002-05:002011-01-21T10:31:27.035-05:00<script type="text/javascript"><br /> document.writeln('<a href="http://www.getaround.com"><img src="http://api.getaround.com/pingback?uid=1608082&url='+escape(window.location)+'"></a>');<br /> </script>Ben Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09065322368550234506noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2520457136126823491.post-64134106910177936232010-04-09T09:36:00.000-04:002010-04-09T09:37:42.862-04:00It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.Often when our lives are in the dumps our relationship with God is better (and our blogging is too) but when things are going good our relationship with God sucks.<br /><br />I need to grow a heart of thankfulness which calls out to God even when things are going my way.Ben Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09065322368550234506noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2520457136126823491.post-41912348002650008972010-03-12T15:53:00.001-05:002010-03-12T16:00:09.991-05:00yesterday or tomorrow?I can’t seem to keep my mind on the task at hand. I’m reliving yesterday, last weekend, and every day before that. I’m also wondering what tomorrow may bring—is Saturday going to be awesome? I’m everywhere except today.<br /><br />Today is just not as exciting as I thought yesterday was or tomorrow might be. But it’s far more real, devastatingly more important, and disappointingly fleeting. <br /><br />So here’s to today, cheers.Ben Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09065322368550234506noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2520457136126823491.post-7772183238083112722010-03-06T12:52:00.006-05:002010-03-06T13:07:23.743-05:00To pill or not to pill, that is the question<div>By pill I'm talking about oral contraceptive pills.</div><div><br /></div>I actually don't have to decide if I'm going to be on the pill or not, but many women do. Being a man, I've decided to tell women how to think. (that's a joke, calm down)<div><br /></div><div>But really, I was reading this <a href="http://stuffchristianslike.net/2010/03/pastors-who-mess-you-up/"><b>blog post</b></a> by Jon Acuff and in it he talks about pastors who encourage people to go out and be fruitful and multiply. Well, the Catholic Church says you can't use condoms. I can't honestly see their issue with condoms, by that logic we shouldn't also wear seatbelts because that prevents God from taking our lives in a car crash if he wants to. </div><div><br /></div><div>I have, though, always wondered about the pill. From the little I understood (and still understand) about how the pill works, it sounds like it doesn't prevent pregnancy but rather that it aborts pregnancy. </div><div><br /></div><div>I found this very <a href="http://www.lifeissues.net/writers/kah/kah_03howpillworks1.html"><b>interesting article</b></a><b> </b>online. I don't know if everything it says is 100% true, if it's biased on it's view of the research, or anything but it seems relatively fair handed. Read it for yourself and decide (if a medical professional wants to weigh in, please do) But, from what I understand the article concludes that there are occurrences when the pill causes abortions occasionally because it still can allow occasional ovulation and conception but prevents implantation. The article seems to be more concerned with how often this happens than that it happens at all.</div><div><br /></div><div>But based on this, and further research, I am against the use of the pill as the sole method of contraception. It seems to me that any chance (3% to 7%) of aborting a life is too much of a chance. </div><div><br /></div><div>If you really gotta do the dirty deed, use a condom it's the sexy equivalent of a seatbelt. </div>Ben Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09065322368550234506noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2520457136126823491.post-12432555894359495832010-02-23T12:53:00.003-05:002010-02-23T13:20:15.970-05:00Secular HumanismI've never been the type of student to argue with professors, I usually just take their word on the subject and leave it as that. Even if I disagree with them I would never consider making a fuss about it. The only argument I've gotten into with a professor was with my Social Theory professor who is a self-proclaimed Secular Humanist.<br /><br />Secular Humanism is the belief that there is no inherent moral or ethical code with which humanity has been imbued, but that by our reasoning and rationale we are compelled to moral action for the benefit of our lives.<br /><br />Honestly, this is in my opinion the biggest philosophical turd that has ever been laid (at least since relativism...my blog could also be called anti-secular-humanism...but that wouldn't be as catchy). Nevermind the teleological considerations of a belief which is grounded upon the belief that there are no grounds for belief. It's just impractical.<br /><br />People, as nice as they look on Amnesty International commercials, are a bunch of ruthless, debase scoundrels who will do whatever is within their power to pull themselves up at the cost of those around them. We ourselves are so clearly incapable of love, even hurting those closest to us. By what means do we expect to love the world? By our own efforts?<br /><br />Bull shit.<br /><br />"the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many." Matthew 20:28<br /><br />It is only by His example, His power, His redemption that we are able to love the world. "[the world] could never have treated him with the same degree of spite and hatred with which he had treated Jesus Christ. Once we realize that Jesus has served us even to the depths of our meagerness, our selfishness, and our sin, nothing we encounter from others will be able to exhaust our determination to serve others for His sake." - Oswald Chambers, <span style="font-style: italic;">My Utmost For His Highest</span> (February 23, 2010)<br /><br /><br />Secular Humanism (n.) - Giant philosophical turd.Ben Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09065322368550234506noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2520457136126823491.post-27541396473445694092010-02-23T06:23:00.004-05:002010-02-23T06:27:55.187-05:00Why do we pray?<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">I often pray for wisdom and understanding but for my own end, so that I may have clarity and direction for my own edification. I forget that prayer is not to draw God closer to me but me closer to God. </span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">"For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you and asking God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God,<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:85%;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:10px;"><b> </b></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"> to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">in whom we have redemption,<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:100%;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" line-height: 6px;font-size:12px;"> </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">the forgiveness of sins." -Colossians 1:9-14</span></div>Ben Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09065322368550234506noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2520457136126823491.post-49698403543154590902010-02-17T11:52:00.002-05:002010-02-17T11:54:29.107-05:00Shut upIt's easy for me to remember the God of Elijah who brought down fire from the heavens but it's so easy for me to forget the God who, only verses later, appears to Elijah not in the wind, earthquake, or fire but in a gentle whisper. <div><br /></div><div>So often I am searching for the God of the fire when God is present in my life as a whisper. I need only to quiet myself and realize that God is not distant but near. </div>Ben Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09065322368550234506noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2520457136126823491.post-65885544042410145122010-02-13T20:38:00.002-05:002010-02-13T20:43:16.797-05:00Grace againThere's just over 3 hours left in my fast. <div><br /></div><div>If I've learned anything from my fast it's that I depend on myself and myself alone. I move through it under my own power and my own effort, yet it is not suffice to push me through. There is something that I am missing from the equation.</div><div><br /></div><div>I've stumbled and failed more times than I can count but God's grace extends to me and allows me to begin again. 3 hours left and I'm sure I'll fail again. 3 hours left and I'm sure I'll find his grace again.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>Ben Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09065322368550234506noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2520457136126823491.post-23099483755698389552010-02-04T16:13:00.006-05:002010-02-04T21:11:37.336-05:00Seedless fruit<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.tastyisland.net/images/watermelon_seedless_cut5.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer; width: 136px; height: 131px;" src="http://www.tastyisland.net/images/watermelon_seedless_cut5.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a>What is it to be a fruit?<br />Strictly speaking, it’s the part of the plant which carries the seed of the plant.<br /><br />When was the last time you had a seeded watermelon, grape, lemon, banana, tomato, orange?<br /><br />Oh what modern irony, that in this heartless generation we should also produce fruit which bear no seed. Objects which have lost their very purpose.<br /><br />We act as though gods, creating the world in our own image.<br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 51, 102);"><o:p></o:p></span>Ben Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09065322368550234506noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2520457136126823491.post-37803940708020205242010-02-03T12:20:00.005-05:002010-02-03T14:53:26.311-05:00In my headFor the last several months I've truly felt nearer to God than I have in a long time. Not to say that I am somehow holier, wiser, or less likely to make stupid mistakes. But simply that his love and his presence has been undeniable for me.<br /><br />Out of his love he's burdened me a great deal. I do not fully understand the root or purpose of this burden but I know it is the seed of something great. I feel as an acorn might feel (if it had feelings). As it begins to sprout, losing daily its acorn-ness and yet having the vague sensation that it may be on the cusp of something far greater.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Several verses/stories have been on my heart for some time now. I've referenced them in other posts but I thought I would share them.<br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);">Genesis 22 - The Offering of Isaac</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(0, 0, 102);">"Abraham stretched out his hand and took the knife to slay his son. But the angel of the LORD called to him from heaven and said, "Abraham, Abraham!" And he said, "Here I am." </span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 153);">Galatians 1:15-17</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(51, 0, 153);">"But when God, who set me apart from birth and called me by his grace, was pleased to reveal his Son in me so that I might preach him among the Gentiles, I did not consult any man, nor did I go up to Jerusalem to see those who were apostles before I was, but I went immediately into Arabia and later returned to Damascus."</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 51);">Isaiah 6:8</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(51, 0, 51);">"Then I heard the voice of the Lord, saying, "Whom shall I send, and who will go for Us?" Then I said, "'ere am I. Send me!'"</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(102, 0, 0);">1 Samuel 3 - The Calling of Samuel</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(102, 0, 0);">"The LORD came and stood there, calling as at the other times, 'Samuel! Samuel!' Then Samuel said, 'Speak, for your servant is listening.'"</span><br /></span><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />"Every seed dies before it grows"<br /><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/jYGCDnOhMsg&hl=en_US&fs=1&color1=0x5d1719&color2=0xcd311b"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/jYGCDnOhMsg&hl=en_US&fs=1&color1=0x5d1719&color2=0xcd311b" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>Ben Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09065322368550234506noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2520457136126823491.post-68053610942905663642010-01-29T18:27:00.004-05:002010-01-29T18:34:19.288-05:00It is wellOn the cover of my journal is the lyrics for the hymn <i>It is well with my soul</i>.<div><br /></div><div>I wrote that at a time when I was struggling to remember what matters most. I wrote it so that anytime I went to write in my journal (usually times of hardship) I would remember what matters most. I'm nearing the final pages of that journal, physically, and it's poignant that this song should enter my life again.</div><div><br /></div><div>Even at times when life isn't quite what we wanted it to be, it is well.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>Bonus: Audio Adrenaline and Jennifer Knapp, still the best version of the hymn to date:</div><div><br /><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/7VluUGu4x6A&hl=en_US&fs=1&color1=0xe1600f&color2=0xfebd01"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/7VluUGu4x6A&hl=en_US&fs=1&color1=0xe1600f&color2=0xfebd01" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><br /></div>Ben Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09065322368550234506noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2520457136126823491.post-66867388655479671392010-01-09T11:24:00.002-05:002010-01-09T11:36:59.861-05:00ObedienceThe wonder and horror of being Christians is the numerous paradoxes you must accept. That it is not by reason that we are Christians but through lived experience. Only through living do we find that, some how, we have freely chosen Him and He has ultimately chosen us.<div><br /></div><div>I'm finding that obedience must be like that. That somehow when I completely sacrifice my will to the will of the Lord I shall find that I am far more free than I was when I followed my own choices. That somehow, in Him I am far more me than I ever was by myself.</div><div><br /></div><div>I think it's time I stop fooling around and lose myself in me and find myself in Him.<br /><div><br /></div><div><i>I have been crucified with Christ and no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.</i></div></div>Ben Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09065322368550234506noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2520457136126823491.post-90599058656184143532009-12-22T13:52:00.002-05:002009-12-22T13:54:05.488-05:00The Real<span style="font-style: italic;font-size:85%;" >My experience is not what makes redemption real— redemption is reality. Redemption has no real meaning for me until it is worked out through my conscious life. When I am born again, the Spirit of God takes me beyond myself and my experiences, and identifies me with Jesus Christ. If I am left only with my personal experiences, I am left with something not produced by redemption. But experiences produced by redemption prove themselves by leading me beyond myself, to the point of no longer paying any attention to experiences as the basis of reality. Only to the Reality which produces the experiences. My experiences are not worth anything unless they keep me at the Source of truth— Jesus Christ. –My Utmost For His Highest - Dec. 21, 2009</span><br /><br />In C.S. Lewis’ novel, The Great Divorce visitors from hell visit Heaven and find that it is too real for them. The grass of the heavenly plains pierce their feet and the light of the heavenly sun tears at them. It is not that they have somehow become less real, that they are now ghost. But rather, it is that heaven (the presence of God) is far more real than anything we know.<br /><br />I often feel that God isn’t real enough in my life. I cry out to God to be more real in my life. What I seem to forget is that God is already real, without me asking He is already more real than anything in my life. Yet, on a daily basis I choose to ignore the reality and focus on the temporal. I weigh myself down with relative illusions when real freedom is offered to me.<br /><br />It’s the child who, whilst playing in the mud, finds that his mud pies have been destroyed. Ignoring the knowledge that he has real food waiting for him at home. Or a more modern analogy, the child who is sad that his game character has lost the battle when he has his own true life yet to live. All this a hundred fold of course.<br /><br />To know what is real, that is the source of true freedom.Ben Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09065322368550234506noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2520457136126823491.post-90902413112702386922009-12-02T22:41:00.002-05:002009-12-03T00:41:39.160-05:00Back from the grave...<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';">It's been a while... 159 days to be exact.</span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';">No I did not count it, this is 2009. There are </span><a href="http://www.timeanddate.com/date/duration.html"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';">websites</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"> for these things.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';">I feel that this post was appropriate enough for my return because, frankly, it's been fairly life changing (at least it feels that way right now...ask me in 159 days if I still feel the same way). </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';">Recently I've been struggling a lot with hope. Hope is a wonderful thing, it gives us the encouragement to carry on through any number of trials and tribulations, it gives us inspiration and imagination, it's a fairly kick-ass thing. Oddly enough, my struggle was not from a lack of hope but an excess of hope.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';">Now I'm not speaking of hope in the </span><a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+Corinthians+13:13&version=NIV"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';">1 Corinthians 13:1</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';">3 sense. Hope there is the hope in God, what we'll call Godly Hope. But what most of us have is Worldly Hope. This Worldly Hope consists of hope in our own ability, hope in some unfounded sense of "luck" or "fortune", hope in anything but God. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';">It's so easy to blur or ignore this distinction. It's so easy to justify any sense of hope by saying, well since God is in control... but the reality is that hope for everything is not the same as Godly Hope. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';">I've been reading (though the word "reading" hardly describes the slowness at which I've been reading this book) The Cost of Discipleship by Dietrich Bonhoeffer. He says, "only those who believe can obey; and, only those who obey can believe" He is not contradicting himself here, well he is, but with intention. It's that age-old question of nature/nurture, fate/choice, predestination/freewill, platonism/existentialism...yea I had to throw that in there</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';">But it's both, it has to be. I can't and won't try to explain it, other than to say I believe it. To those who say "only those who believe can obey," those who believe that they are free to disobey till God give them the unimaginable conviction to do otherwise - we must reply "only those who obey can believe." To those who says "only those who obey can believe," those who believe they must earn their salvation - we must reply "only those who believe can obey."</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';">I've been both... As recently as last spring when I was leading the ONELove missions team for Cornerstone Church, I was the latter. Since then I've probably been more the former. Bonhoeffer talks about the importance of creating room for faith to be possible. To me, challenging me to take that existential leap of faith. That step where I trust God and his plan, despite what I may feel is best, despite what the circumstances look like, despite everything.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';">For the first time, </span><a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Mark+9:24&version=NIV"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';">Mark 9:24</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"> made sense. "I do believe, help me overcome my unbelief!" Again, an contradiction in intention. The father of the boy in his belief comes face to face with the reality that is overcome with unbelief. Simultaneously, it is his obedience and God's grace. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';">Since I came to this revelation on Sunday, I've been struggling again. I made the first step, and that was challenging. But there was a second, third, fourth step. It was a daily struggle to give up my hopes to the hopes of God. To say not my will, but your will be done. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';">Today I was walking and the story of Abraham and Isaac came to my mind. God called Abraham to sacrifice his son, to obey despite what it all seemed like. I mean, imagine this! I've never had a struggle like this, and it's not any different because it's in the Bible. This is the stuff of academy award winning plots! Abraham is faced with the decision to obey God or sacrifice his beloved son! Yet somehow, despite what appears to be a impossible situation, both circumstances are satisfied! God is satisfied and Abraham truly receives his Son. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';">But that's all well and good but how often we forget everything between there. What makes this such a saga is not the beginning and the end, but all of the middle. Where would Lord of the Rings be if not for 900 pages in the middle, Star Wars if not for The Empire Strikes Back? </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';">It begins with "Early the next morning Abraham got up." That would be enough for me, that first step must have been tremendously difficult. How do you get up the next morning after something like that? I'd stay in bed! If I were Abraham I would have said "God, I got up... I've proved I'm faithful -- now make it all go away" But no, after that he saddle a donkey, gathered his servants, cut some wood, walked three days...</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';">Abraham was as human as you and I, each step on that journey must have been laborious. I'm sure Abraham was constantly hope for a way out of it, constantly looking around for a sign, desperately hoping that this wasn't it, but despite this he kept on stepping, kept on walking, creating that room for faith.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';">And where am I? I'm probably barely out of bed at this point and I'm kicking and screaming. But hopefully, as I keep stepping God will keep supporting my legs, and one day, maybe, I'll finally arrive. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">shameless philosophy plug: ironically, </span></span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fear_and_Trembling"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Fear and Trembling</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> has become surprisingly clear through this situation... </span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><br /></span></div><div><br /></div>Ben Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09065322368550234506noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2520457136126823491.post-2060821879551212762009-06-27T16:04:00.002-04:002009-06-27T16:07:21.431-04:00This is for YouToday is the first day of the rest of my life.<br /><br />Today and everyday forward is for you. I offer up my entire life to you: my relationships, resources, goals, everything. Everything I receive is a undeserved gift, everything I give is from You.<br /><br />This life is for You.Ben Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09065322368550234506noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2520457136126823491.post-44914756405386060552009-06-23T16:14:00.000-04:002009-06-23T16:57:18.835-04:00Dogs, all of us are dogsC.S. Lewis said that Pain is God’s megaphone to a deaf world. <br /><br />I must be beyond deaf then. Not to say I’m in some great deal of pain right now – at least not in an atypical way. All our lives are riddled with pain throughout, but we convince ourselves of the normalcy of this. We’ve actually brought ourselves to a point where we tell ourselves that this pain is natural, that it’s a “part of life”, we even glorify those who can ignore it and mock those who are “too” aware of it. In the end, there is no denying it – not that our society does. All our stories, songs, values are related to this pain that we feel.<br /><br />We sell hundreds of millions of self-help books each year, helping our modern society cope with this pain. Feeling worthless? Buy a book on how to make more money so you can have more worth. Feeling lonely? Buy a book on dating and learn to mask the longing for relationship with sexual passion. Feeling down? Buy a book on finding happiness through cooking, working, sex, etc.<br /><br />But why? The pain of the human experience is as old as time; but why, oh why, hasn’t anyone figured it out? <br /><br />There certainly have been some noble attempts. Nietzsche saw the pain of human existence but, after some careful thinking, wrote it off as the weakness of our lesser selves. That it is a result of our submission to chains of our creation—human ethics and values. The answer is to rise above these things, to become a being who is self defined and self reliant: the ubermenche – the overman, superman. Sartre saw all pain as a result of the subjugation of the being into object. That all human interaction is the hostile interaction of subjects who try to objectify each other. I want to make you an object in my world, rather than a person for person’s sake, and our interactions are the reasons why we have pain. Famously, Sartre for writing in his autobiography, “I'm not so sure I didn't seek out women's company in order to get rid of the burden of my ugliness” But really, what are these philosophies now? <br /><br />Really, is there nothing that can save us? Solomon gave himself everything and found it all meaningless.<br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">I denied myself nothing my eyes desired;<br />I refused my heart no pleasure.<br />My heart took delight in all my work,<br />and this was the reward for all my labor.<br />Yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done<br />and what I had toiled to achieve,<br />everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind;<br />nothing was gained under the sun.</span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Ecclesiastes 2:10-11</span><br /><br /><br />Do you know what the difference between a dog and a human is? When you point to something, a dog will stare at your finger and a human will look to where the finger is pointing. We are dogs, all of us. We are so caught up in this pain of ours, we focus on it so dearly! We forget that this pain is merely a sign pointing the way! We are asked to look along our pain rather than at our pain! <br /><br />People ask, if God is good why does he inflict pain on good people? The question is missing the point. If we are good people, why can’t we see God in the pain? God is calling out to us, asking for us to look at Him but everyday we focus on the finger, not seeing it for what it is. If we could only look along it, we would find that the pain is no pain at all but merely a sign to something far more substantial.Ben Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09065322368550234506noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2520457136126823491.post-23888670502312040082009-06-22T12:40:00.003-04:002009-06-22T12:48:20.505-04:00WWJD?Remember those WWJD Bracelets? I used to have a dark green one with white lettering, I wore it proudly -- probably more for social significance than spiritual guidance though.<br /><br />As well intentioned as those bracelets may have been they are about as useful as a flat tire, on a rainy day, in the middle of nowhere. This is a somewhat recent realization of mine as I struggled through some decisions in my life. Troubled with my typical lack of decisiveness, I tried to turn to this pop-spiritual guidance and found it lacking. The reality was, "I have no damn clue what Jesus would do here because He wouldn't be in this situation in the first place!"<br /><br />So what then? I suppose that's the value of meditation and prayer, of hearing God's spirit ourselves rather than from a bracelet.<br /><br />Though, if i could get my hands on a dark green WWJD bracelet I would so rock it...Ben Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09065322368550234506noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2520457136126823491.post-54122664684280048072009-06-15T10:42:00.002-04:002009-06-15T11:25:37.733-04:00A love song for a savior<span style="font-style: italic;font-size:85%;" >In open fields of wild flowers,<br />she breathes the air and flies away<br />She thanks her Jesus for the daises and the roses<br />in no simple language<br />Someday she'll understand the meaning of it all<br />He's more than the laughter or the stars in the heavens<br />As close a heartbeat or a song on her lips<br />Someday she'll trust Him and learn how to see Him<br />Someday He'll call her and she will come running<br />and fall in His arms and the tears will fall down and she'll pray,<br /><br />"I want to fall in love with You"<br /><br />Sitting silent wearing Sunday best<br />The sermon echoes through the walls<br />A great salvation through it calls to the people<br />who stare into nowhere, and can't feel the chains on their souls<br /><br />He's more than the laughter or the stars in the heavens<br />As close a heartbeat or a song on our lips<br />Someday we'll trust Him and learn how to see Him<br />Someday He'll call us and we will come running<br />and fall in His arms and the tears will fall down and we'll pray,<br /><br />"I want to fall in love with You"<br /><br />It seems too easy to call you "Savior",<br />Not close enough to call you "God"<br />So as I sit and think of words I can mention<br />to show my devotion<br /><br />"I want to fall in love with You"<br /><br />"my heart beats for You"</span><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />This has always been my favorite song, But I don’t think I even fully understand the song.<br /><br /><br /><br />The bridge especially eluded me, “it seems to easy to call you ‘Savior’, not close enough to call you ‘God’.”<br /><br /><br /><br />In my mind it always seemed to be reversed, it’s so easy to call you God but to call Him “Savior” is so hard. For so much of my life I struggled with this, though I didn’t fully realize this. I thought that finding “God” was simple. I thought, ‘look around you!’ Even in my darkest moments I couldn’t deny that there was a God out there, someone sustaining all being into existence. I struggled with the loving God, with Jesus and the message of salvation and freedom. Not to say I’ve somehow come to complete understanding of this, but in the past year or so I’ve come to see this loving God in such a real manner. God has been showing me what it means to have a savior. The freedom of His love.<br /><br /><br /><br />Though, very recently I feel like God has begun to reveal to me the ‘next’ step in our relationship, which brings us back to our song. I feel like He is asking me to let him be Lord over my life. For the first time ever, that bridge has real meaning for me. I feel like God is asking me to let go of all the hope that I have placed in this world. He is asking me to let go of any expectations, loves, and plans I may have and to just surrender all to Him. To say, “God, this is for you.” The beautiful part of it is that I know it’s not because we are essentially slaves to Him, but because we are made for Him! To let Him fulfill me, to bring me joy through His will for my life.<br /><br /><br /><br />It’s too easy to just call Him “Savior”, but He’s drawing me closer so I can begin to really call him “God”.Ben Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09065322368550234506noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2520457136126823491.post-39859512109468485152009-06-10T10:56:00.001-04:002009-06-10T10:56:23.719-04:00A Short History of Nearly EverythingCome near to God and he will come near to you. James 4:8<br /><br />Recently I’ve been going through an amazing book called A Short History of Nearly Everything by Bill Bryson. It's essentially a grand sweeping overview of the history of science (therefore implying that sciences is everything--wrong, but besides the point). The author is a somewhat staunch atheistic evolutionsist and yet I cannot help but feel wholy connected to God as I read this book. All of the facts and proofs of evolution, the miniscule chances of probability that lead to our existence, and structures of the world only do more to edify my amazement that there is a God that does so much for us. To think he created this perfect universe, with everything working perfectly, just so that we could Love him and find ourselves in him. <br /><br />At this point in the discussion I usually launch into my usual apologetical tyrade on the proofs of God's existence and how it relates to science -- or actually, doesn't relate to science. But I will spare the readers; for the moment at least.<br /><br />I say all this because it amazes me that God has done so much for us in creating this perfect universe which at every level of examination cries out to us and yet we still abandoned him. That he went further to reach out to us through His son and yet we still rejected him. And despite all of this, He continues, in our lives, to reach out to us! That in the infiniteness of the expanse between us and Him, that all we must do is take the first step to be near to Him and He shall come running to we prodigal children with open arms.<br /><br />It's so easy to get caught up in the vastness of the difference and forget who it is calling us. We focus so much on the human distances between us and forget that God can call us to him at any moment -- we call it death. That it is not so much about us arriving at Him, but reaching out to Him. <br /><br />God created the universe in all it's splendor, gave His son to die on the cross, and His spirit, so that we could take the first step toward Him.Ben Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09065322368550234506noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2520457136126823491.post-41170200297615982892009-06-09T17:03:00.000-04:002009-06-09T17:13:08.159-04:00the willMy blogging seems to increase and decrease exponentially. This is my second entry today, tomorrow may be 4. Conversely, one day I may just stop posting for very long periods of time. By what desire am I drawn to or away from blogging?<br /><br />I can explain and understand, at least on paper, how the interaction of my will and God’s will should be. I understand that finding the ultimate will of God is finding my own deepest, truest desires—and vice versa. I understand that there is within us a deep desire to be a part of something greater, and there is in God’s will a call for us to return to something greater. I understand all of this very well in my head, but can find no notion of this in my heart.<br /><br />These deepest, truest desires are no where to be found in my will. At many times I seem to be pursuing this which, as far as anyone can tell, may be contrary to the will of God. Then again, they may not be? Who is to truly say?<br /><br />Do we assume that we aren’t, as we are completely depraved? Do we assume that something in side of us will shine through? These are fairly deep, serious, and heady theological questions. But, if we really consider them, our actions must be determined by them in some nature if we are to say we are truly seeking the will of God – or even our own selfish will.<br /><br />In the end, what will are we really guided by?Ben Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09065322368550234506noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2520457136126823491.post-56716114297988839392009-06-09T07:35:00.000-04:002009-06-09T07:42:49.324-04:00Cannot not loveWe're often reminded that to seek God's wisdom, one of the silliest ways is to do so is the ole 'open the bible up and see what book and chapter you end up at.' Similarly, a daily devotional could offer the same randomness. Yet, to my surprise, when I read today's <span style="font-style: italic;">My Utm</span>ost <span style="font-style: italic;">For His Highest</span> (http://www.rbc.org/devotionals/my-utmost-for-his-highest/06/09/devotion.aspx) I was totally shocked to find that it was exactly what I needed to hear. It was almost, word-for-word, my prayer from last night. <br /><br />I've come to a place of desperation, I realize that I am so spiritually poor right now. I need God to be more real in my life. Everything around us is so fleeting, and yet I am more than willing to invest so much time into these things. Yet, for the one thing I know to be true and forever, I find that I can only squeeze in a few minutes here and there--if at all.<br /><br /><br />I always tell people the story from the Brother's Karamazov where a woman comes to Fr. Zossima and tells him that she has lost her faith and fears that she cannot live anymore. Fr. Zossima tells her to live everyday like she believes, to love those around her, and she shall find that she cannot not believe. I think that I, in this same way, have forgotten what it is to love God. To love him wholy above all else. <br /><br />New Plan: Love till I find that I cannot not love.Ben Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09065322368550234506noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2520457136126823491.post-87003991732949144802009-06-01T22:02:00.000-04:002009-06-01T22:05:36.246-04:00Surprised by Joy...The darkest periods of our spiritual lives are surprisingly mundane. I don't think I ever felt distant from God during the high points or low points of my life, but in the everyday droll I find myself completely alone.<br /><br />Since coming back from ONELove I've felt very far from God. Maybe it took this long, over 2 months, to finally come to Him. My life is not at all what I would like it to be, I can imagine something a lot better; but, the this imagined life, should it become real, would be no less empty than this one.<br /><br />Sometimes the best advice we can receive is the one we already know but have somehow ignored, the plank in our eye. A friend reminded me today that my confidence must be found in my position with God. Additionally, this past Sunday's sermon at Cornerstone reflected this. My joy cannot come to fruition by its own right, but only through its incorporation into God’s will.<br /><br />This reminded me of Surprised by Joy, a book by my man C.S. Lewis. It’s technically his autobiography, though a pretty bad one by that standard. What it is really is a lesson on ultimate joy. At some point, maybe many points, in our lives we all experience a taste of joy. We do not immediately understand what we have experienced but we pursue it incessantly. We relate it to happiness and pursue the things that seem to make us happy. C.S. Lewis did the same and yet, like us, he found himself empty and longing. What he found was that he could never find that joy, but in surrendering his self into the will of God he found it. But, in finding it he no longer cared for joy for he found something much greater. Joy is the byproduct of our selves losing ourselves in God.<br /><br />Throughout these past months I’ve sought out my self and I’ve found myself in want. Today, again, I try to lose my self.Ben Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09065322368550234506noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2520457136126823491.post-68149576751782338352009-03-04T10:54:00.000-05:002009-03-04T10:56:27.494-05:00Devotional<p><span style="font-size:85%;"><i>This is adapted from a lecture given as a part of <span> </span>the “Last Lecture” series at Boston College, this talk was given by Fr. Michael Himes, S.J. on November 18, 2008.<span> </span>The premise of the lecture is basically: what would you say if this was the last lecture you could ever give.<span> </span>Fr. Himes is a professor of Theology at Boston College and one of my own favorite professors.<span> </span>This lecture was attended by over a thousand students, speaking to the great wisdom of this amazing man.</i></span></p> <p><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span></p> <p style="font-family:tahoma,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size:100%;">Thinking of this as the last time I have to speak on what matters most has wonderfully concentrated my mind. <span> </span>I’ve thought long and hard about it, particularly in relation to a statement from Soren Kierkegaard, the great 19<sup>th</sup> century Danish philosopher of religion.<span> </span>Kierkegaard in his journals writes this; he did not ever think of this being read by anyone else, it was in his personal journals published long after his death; <span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);font-family:georgia,serif;" >“there is something quite definite I have to say, and I have it so much upon my conscience that as I feel that I dare not die without having said it, for the moment I die and leave this world as I understand it… at frightful speed the question will be put to me <b>‘</b></span><b><i style="font-family: georgia,serif; color: rgb(0, 0, 153);">have you uttered the definite message quite definitely?</i></b><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);font-family:georgia,serif;" ><b>’</b>”</span><span><span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 51);font-family:georgia,serif;" > </span> </span>Well of course that’s a good question as I come to think about a last lecture, have I uttered the ‘definite message quite definitely’.<span> </span></span></p> <p style="font-family:tahoma,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size:100%;">What is the definite message that has to be said?<span> </span>Well, I think it’s this; it’s a statement I’ve spoken about many times, preached about many times, prayed about many more times than that, a statement that appears repeatedly in the gospels of Matthew, Mark, and Luke; it’s the statement of Jesus that if you hold on to you life you lose it, but if you give your life away it becomes everlasting.</span></p> <p style="font-family:tahoma,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size:100%;">For a very long time, I think I misunderstood that statement, because for a very long time when I spoke about it, when I prayed about it, when I preached about it I thought of it as a commandment.<span> </span>As if Jesus is saying, now that’s what you ought to do, that’s how you ought to live.<span> </span>Only after a long time did it occur to me that it’s not a commandment at all, <u style="color: rgb(102, 51, 255);">it’s a description</u>.<span> </span>That Jesus is not saying that’s how you ought to live, he’s saying that’s how things are.<span> </span>You want to know what existence is like?<span> </span>It’s like this: if you hold on to it, you won’t have it; but if you give it away, you can’t run out of it—you will see it become everlasting. <span> </span>Being and giving away one’s self turn out to be exactly the same thing. </span></p> <p style="font-family:tahoma,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size:100%;">There’s a way this is said very famously, very powerfully in the first letter of John.<span> </span>The author of the first letter to John’s way of saying it is<b> <span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 0);">“God is love.”</span></b><span><b><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 0);"> </span></b> </span>My way of saying it, at least for this evening, is that the foundation of existence; the reason that there’s something rather than nothing, the reason anything exists at all; is self gift—is love, the gift of the self to another.<span> </span>That’s really an extraordinary claim.<span> </span></span></p> <p style="font-family:tahoma,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size:100%;">I think, as I look back on my own life, my experience is that it is precisely correct.<span> </span>It is the central thing that needs to be said.<span> </span>That if we’re going to exist, <span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">we need to give ourselves away</span></span></p> <span style="font-size:100%;"><span style="font-family:tahoma,sans-serif;">A favorite poet of mine, W.H. Auden, wrote that <span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 153);">“the first criterion of success in any human activity, the necessary preliminary, whether to scientific discovery or artistic vision, is intensity of attention, or, less pompously, love.”</span> In other words, the necessary first step to understanding anything, knowing anyone or anything, is to love that person or thing. I don’t mean that you must have warm emotions or deep sentimental affection.<span style="color: rgb(0, 51, 0);font-family:arial black,sans-serif;" > <span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 153);font-family:tahoma,sans-serif;" >I am referring to an activity. In order to really know anything, you have to give it your time and your energy.</span></span> And what do you do when you begin to see a glimpse of the truth? The only thing you can do with it is to give it away.</span></span>Ben Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09065322368550234506noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2520457136126823491.post-77420830466379130332009-02-24T09:51:00.000-05:002009-02-24T14:12:14.732-05:00Short Message ServiceMy mother recently learned to text and she’s been sending a whole gamut of texts to my brothers and myself. Since getting her new phone which has a full keyboard, she’s been texting us almost everyday with little reminders and words of encouragement. This for me seems to be the fulfillment of a wish I’ve had for her. I used to get annoyed when she called me during the day to tell me one or two little things, to ask me a very simple question or give me a short reminder. Now that she’s learned to text all of that has been put into short sentences which can be received and read at my convenience. <br /><br />Last night I had something short to tell my mother and instead of texting her I decided to call her. At the risk of sounding like a momma’s boy, I felt a bit disconnected from her, not having received a call recently. I told her what I needed to tell her and ended the conversation, nothing special and yet I felt a bit satisfied afterwards. <br /><br />Texting or Short Message Service was created to send short (under 160 characters including spaces) message from mobile to mobile and we’ve somehow turned it into a massive medium for communication – using it to relay everything from meeting locations, birthday wishes, and even our love. At one point in human history (prior to 1844) a person actually had to write a physical letter, find a courier to physically deliver it and hope it wasn’t misplaced along the way. Since then, with the invention of each new medium of communication the speed, accuracy, and amount of our communications had increased. <br /><br />I think that if we brought Mr. Alexander Bell back from the past and showed him how much we had done in increasing the complexity and depth of our interconnectivity he would be certainly impressed, but what he would be shocked about would be the degree to which we are somehow disconnected! The invention of the telephone gave us the potential to be connected with a person in distant locations, to be able to actually hear the tone of their voice rather than simply see the words in their letter. The internet gave us the ability to reach out to millions of people instantly. Text messaging gave us the ability to send short messages (and increasingly longer messages) instantly while simultaneously sitting in a meeting, dinner, movie, car (dangerously). And yet these mediums have not acted as connectors but as filters -- one more barrier for us to hide behind.<br /><br />How many of us are guilty of having a conversation by text message which could have been clearer, quicker, and more productive if we had actually called the person. How many of us are guilty of asking important questions or important responses by text. The very fact that articles are published, en masse, that are teaching people things like “Any breakup initiated by any text is classless. No e-mail, Facebook message or Twitter reply can adequately end ties with any woman under any circumstances. Text messages fall under the same category” (http://www.askmen.com/dating/curtsmith_250/261b_relationship-rules-text-messaging.html) shows us that there is a serious problem here. We do not use mediums of communication to build relationships but rather to segregate relationships: we screen our calls, we ignore texts, and we block emails. . <br /><br />It’s sad, but if we are a people meant to be in community, we are dying by our own devices – literally.Ben Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09065322368550234506noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2520457136126823491.post-54818411015109398452009-02-23T13:13:00.000-05:002009-02-24T09:32:45.871-05:00aloneWhen I have large, obvious struggles I easily find myself on my knees before God; and yet when it comes to the general malaise of life, of struggles that have gone on so long that I scarcely recognize them as being unnatural any longer, I constantly appeal to my own strengths and my own efforts. I make God into a pinch hitter, I refuse to start him but call on him when I think I need something extra.<br /><br />I’ve recently come to realize the loneliness that I struggle with. C.S. Lewis describes a fictional hell in his book The Great Divorce. Hell is not a place of fire and brimstone, for him it is place where everyone is truly alone— man was not made to be alone. Though I would hardly describe Boston as being hell (its certainly too cold for that), I do feel at times that I am disturbingly alone amidst all the events, activities, and opportunities.<br /><br />Since I came to Boston in the fall of 2004 I’ve never felt remotely satisfied with my community. I never felt a real connection with anyone, feeling always an outsider, a temporary visitor in any social situation. This often surprises people because in many social situations I’m often the guy standing on the stage crying out for attention – crying out “wolf”. There is a void in my calling out for real community, real fellowship. I try to feed this hunger through the pursuit of women, the drive to be the center of attention, the tiring attempt to be “involved”.<br /><br />Today, I feel completely wasted by all of my efforts. I know that the only fulfiller is the Lord and the only satisfaction I may see on Earth, should I ever see any at all, can come from Him.<br /><br />I always joke that I am desperate for community. My hope is that the truth of this desperation can draw me closer to God rather than to the things of this world.Ben Leehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09065322368550234506noreply@blogger.com4